My sister, and her husband, have gotten themselves into a bit of a debt problem. Long story short, they do have a mortgage, 1 car payment, normal bills; BUT he has occured around $22,000 in credit debt without her knowledge. She found out by trying to refinance the house, to get rid of the PMI. Of course the house is in an uproar. He is a very nice man and always treats my sister and their daughter well. My personal view is the he has a very large hole/pain in his heart that he is trying to fill (in his case with "stuff"). I've talked to my sister and I plan on talking to him too (once they talk and the dust settles a little). Both her and I agree that not only do they need to address the bills in an agressive maner, but that couseling for their marriage and individual counceling for him reguarding both the symptom (out of control spending, general unhappyness) and the cause (pain from father and fear/shame of what he has done). I have started by sending her a link to http://www.daveramsey.com/ . I've listened to the guy a few times, and he's straight up and doesn't pull the punches. Anywho, I guess what I am asking is if anyone has any ideas, links, phone numbers, and referances that they could suggest FROM PERSONAL EXPERIANCE I would greatly appreciate it. They know this is not gonna be a quick fix and they want to do the right thing, not the easy "way out" (consolidation loans, interest only loans, bankruptcy). Also any counciler suggestions would be welcome. They live in the Phoenix Arizona area. Thx
Any man that would secretly run up $20,000+ of credit card debt has some SERIOUS issues. Any man that could keep a secret like that from your sister probably has some other secrets she doesn't know about. Unless she's a complete a moron he's a damn good liar. In any case I would advise you stay the fuck out of it. Neither of them will be interested in your input, trust me.
Oh absolutely!! And if he refuses to acknowledge it or do anything about it, she knows she is gonna have to leave. He feels so bad/guilty he'd probably take the entire debt on if they did split up. Anywho, I'm just trying to get some ideas/directions for them to investigate, after that its up to them. She is my sister and while I won't watch her drown, I'll let her struggle, as long as she keeps her head above water.
Even if she leaves, this credit history is going to follow her around forever, since they were married at the time the debts were run up. This is important; was the credit card(s) in question under both their names? If so, she is in big trouble no matter what happens, as she will be held responsible for these debts in tandem with him. Debt Collectors can be relentless in this case.
I believe it was in his name only. Again, I'm not trying to get a quick fix for her, I'm just gonna try to point out some good/solid resources that can help. And yeah, she knows she is in for half no matter what.
1. Obtain and review in detail all spending records that resulted in this situation. 2. Perform a balance (in-and-out) and confirm that everything purchased is present and/or used (in the case of consumables). 3. Draw conclusions from the analysis (follow the money). 4. Rinse, Repeat.
im curious as to what he spent that money on. gambling problem? drugs? Because if she never noticed anything "new" in teh house, or a new car or some shit, i'd be wondering where the hell its dissapearing off to.. yea some people have a depression problem that leads to relentless spending of money. i would advice both of them to get 2nd jobs, get family to babysit for a small fee.. sell anything they can thats unimportant or not helping the situation.. pay off any loans, pay off credit cards, cut down on bills (cut off cell phones, use fuckin pay phones and home phone), cable go by by, internet go by by.. Man, i would never let myself get into that kind of situation, thats just sad...
I agree with CHE - check the fucking credit card invoices. I bet there are some non-electronic charges on there, if you know what I mean.
The only way this is all going to be resolved is having them both go talk to a banker or broker or someone that knows how to play with the numbers, to get them somewhere. Otherwise, any advice you're going to get is probably not going to be worth it.
I know this guy in Poland that has a problem where he always wants to borrow money to start up businesses. He can't stop himself.
My Dad ran up a similar amount on several credit cards, doing nothing but eating... and paying the credit card bills with another credit card. Back and forth.
Is it really throwing them to the wolves? My wife and I, on individual debt, had over $30000. We tried saving, doing this, doing that...nothing really seemed to get us ahead. We went to banker, had him analyze everything, and then consolidated all our debt into two loans, at a cheaper interest rate than all our other stuff, and are paying like half the payment for the next few years. Mind you, it might take longer, but it basically gave us a head start. On top of that, we managed to get approval for a good mortgage, and we bought a house. Now we just need to move in. EDIT: Obviously the guy has problems, which need to be dealt with. However, I'm of the belief system that if I have problem with the pipes in my house, I call a plumber. If my dog is sick, I take her to the vet. If my car is screwed up, I take it to the mechanic. Unless we've got a banker and a shrink on here, I wouldn't even waste time trying to get answers.
