* Im not one to spill peoples personal business out there, but situations like this need some attention * I have one best friend, hes been there for me, likewise for him forever.. 15 years of friendship going on 16. Hes not in the greatest shape financially, physically, health wise, and mentally.. He still lives with his mom, both are addicts of pharms and no telling what else.. Neither have jobs and live off of little money given by their family. Both have been in and out of hospitals and rehabs for the past couple years and that has kept our friendship at a downward spiral. I haven't been in his house in over 3 years and last night.. i had the most nightmarish encounter ive ever seen. Its soo fucking bad, i cant even begin to explain it all without sulking in sadness. I went over to hang out, let him borrow some xbox games, chit chat, we smoked a bowl, etc.. Upon walking up to the house i can smell this bitter, sour, disgusting, wretched aroma that just about made me puke.. I sucked it up thinking it was the trash can outside.. Walking into the house, entering the kitchen. Words cannot describe how fucked up the floors, sink, counter tops, fridge were... All the linoleum was pulled up, the ceiling was falling in. Everything was coated with mold, mildew, caked up stains of ungodly proportions, trash, dead roaches filled the sink, smells emanating from every direction, caked up dog hair cluttering the floors, mud spewed all over the place, spider webs, and a broken lamp being the only eerie light source.. Looked like a shelter where addicts go and shoot up. Might i add this is a very, VERY, nice looking house on the outside in a predominantly nice little area. This ain't the scums. So despite all that, i get more curious about what the rest of the house looks like.. The living room, dark, saturated with that same sour smell.. I dared not see what it looked like with the light on. I venture into his room.. He sleeps with his dogs (the dogs another story). Once again eerily lit by a broken lamp, bed matress with mounds of dog hair and fecal matter, fecal matter all over the floor, on the walls, fleas attacking me from all over... A torn up battered sofa chair lay waste with its insides scattered througout the room. Everything coated with a weird black-dusty sticky substance. "I gotta piss" boy did i make that mistake! Walking down the hall, in a fluid saturated carpet, i make my way to what looked like the bathroom.. door torn down halfway, the tile so compacted with fecal matter and urine and dirt... the sinktop littered with trash of all sorts, rubber gloves with feces on them, the sink filled with a very hazardous looking water stoppage.. hair, utensils, toothbrushes, junk, throwup, drug prescrips filled the sink in the wasted water. Nothing, and i mean NOTHING resembled itself from when i last visited. I opened the toilet.. I OPENED the toilet.. I was expecting a head or dead baby in there at this point.. Filled to the brim with sewage and doodoo. The shower was about the most sane looking piece in the whole house.. It still had caked up dead roaches in the corners, mildew covered the walls, hair and mud just splattered on the walls. At this point i wish i had my phone with me, i was gonna take pictures for reference. There was just soo much going on in that bathroom i cant say all.. The rest of the house had to be an abomination. I'm scared for my own health for entering that house, for touching everything that i did. I had no way to turn around and clense myself because everything was contaminated. The dogs.. My sister is an animal vet and i come from a household where animals are cherished like a human. With that said.. You wont believe what I'm about to say and i'm sure theres gotta be some kind of medical description for it.. All the dogs are just skin and bones, very weary, constantly picking up matter around the floors and eating something like they haven't been fed in a month. They were small. This is what you wont believe. They were huge before and im not talking about a comparison just because they are malnutritioned. Im talking about their overall body structure and bones got smaller over time. Its like they've grown backwards into being puppies again. Last i saw them, they were magnificently huge and broad with long snouts well in their adult life stage. Their snouts have shortened, their bones have shortened. It was very odd to me.. I kept telling him.. "Man those arent the dogs i know" He kept insisting that its them and im just used to seeing my large dog alot... I was expecting a fess up or something.. but nope. as a best freind, i really feel like i need to do something. At the same time i dont wanna do anything too drastic to make his life any worse like his dogs getting taken away or the gov seizing his household for health reasons.. Because i know thats all he has. Theres weird things going on over there and i know it.. Im pretty sure his mom puts herself in the hospital on purpose to get more meds for the both of them.. Shes currently in there from a broken leg. How do you get a broken leg from walking around the house, no job, no car, doesnt go outside.. Its all too weird to me. What should i do? Just stop talking to him? Leave him rotting? Call the governent health officials to do a home cleanup or whatever they do? Call the animal humane on him? I dont know what to do. I dont think i can snitch without him knowing it was me that did it. Because I'm the only one thats been in that house for years. I thank anyone for giving me any mature advice. This is the one time in my young adult life where i feel like i got a chance to make a change for the world or someone.
Wow, that's awful. You really shouldn't be afraid to something to the cops or whoever you feel you need to talk to. That's well below rock bottom, I can't imagine anything worse for them besides dying. Being homeless sounds like a better environment for them. Even if he hates you forever for it, you really need to eliminate that environment before it kills him.
Call the local health department. It's considered to be a public health hazard even though it's indoors as who knows what's culturing inside and could leak out. If you're worried about the friend finding out it was you, you can always ask about making an anonymous tip. (Though he might figure it was you based on you just being over there, but if he does, remember as a true friend, you were doing what was in his best interest.)
I thought that was only on TV shows :\ I think you should call the health department like juball said. Even for your friend, he shouldn't have to live like that. All the best man.
Second that, if nothing else they can point you in the right direction, Did you tell your friend to clean his shit or what? Did he say anything about it?
Don't know how much help you're doing by smoking a bowl with him in the first place. You can either have a sit-down conversation with him or take drastic measures and contact authorities about how his house is basically...unlivable. I don't know, man. That's tricky. It's what I would do. If my friend got pissy or defensive, I'd take the hit and do the right thing. That's no way to live and/or be brought up in.
reaver, well i mean, we chilled outside in the car before i went in.. i didnt know it was that bad.... in the next few days i'll probably have a serious conversation about it. but the jokes that i did say while noticing all this he said he was planning to clean up and he wanted ME to help (lol, uh no). Why help to clean up someones house when theyre just gonna demolish it again. Believe me, that house is beyond repairable, thats how bad it is. When the gov gets a hold of it, it will get demolished and built back up. Hes also mentioned his family was planning to kick both of them out of that house.. That family owns that house as it was all of their grandmothers house before they moved in. So maybe i'll be able to pull off an anonymous move soon and make it seem like they were the ones to snitch. i dunno.
Some people don't know they're in a shitty situation until they're removed from it. Telling them usually won't do anything. I say report it. If your friend gets mad, then he doesn't see that you're just trying to help him.
damn, post of the year right here! Crazy torx, I thought you were actually quoting this from a dream you had at first cause I was just skimming it. Damn!!!!!!!! You should seriously get some pictures, I have a feeling that it will look worse than you described, and what you described was pretty damn bad. I would defenitly call the authorities on this one, as much as he'll hate you for it if he found out, I can tell you that down the road he'll look back and thank you. Like the other guy said, some people don't know they're in a real bad situation until you remove them from it.
No offense but that doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do nor would I consider that something a friend would do to/with another friend with an addiction problem. Frankly I'm a little disappointed torx Does your friend realize he needs help? Does he have another place to live? One without his mom and away from drugs?
Torx, I'm not sure if any advice from me would be good. Do you know his family well? Maybe you should start there. They need help but I'm really not sure how to get them the help they need.
This reeks of the situation I was in with my brother. His house may not have been in the shit state your friends is but damn....It was pretty fucking bad. So you could attempt the same thing I did. I took my brother in, away from his house and I put him into some temp work at my place of employment. I basically bottle fed that fucker, and dragged him to his house every couple of days to strip a room and build it back up. You'll be surprised how much better a room looks when you strip EVERYTHING (including carpet, wallpaper, all furniture, the lot), hose it down and start again. After we'd done his bedroom he started to get interested, seeing the comparison between his nice new bedroom which he paid for himself with the little money he'd been earning and the still skanky lounge which we hadn't gotten around to. A couple of months later he had a pretty much new house, and for about 6 months I made regular visits to make sure he was keeping up with it. He was still working with me too, so it was easy to keep him in line. Did I mention my brother is nearly 10 years older than me? That's the best advice I can give, buddy. I don't know what to suggest about his mother though. Retirement home?
You need to remember this trueism: "if people could do better, they would do better." They are not in the position to help themselves. That option is long past gone. When addiction and depression brought on by addiction gets to that point, intervention is the only hope.....even then the possibility of recovery is very slim. If you really care for your friend's well being, you need to do something, irregardless of the possibility of it ending the friendship. relying on other family members to do something would be to transfer your caring on to others. if family members were going to do something, it'd have already been done because you can bet your bottom dollar they are aware of the situation and are enabling it. For the second time this month Juball and I agree....get that heath department involved! Get mental health involved! The police won't do squat unless you can proove they are a physical danger to themselves or others or are doing illegal activity. The thought of them knowing it was you who dropped a dime on them shouldn't even enter the equation at all. Worrying more about losing the friendship than caring enough to do whatever it takes to stop the squaller and "suicide on the installment plan" would be very selfish on your part if you really do care about them. There is going to be unforseen consequences, but stopping the degradation is primary. It sounds as though it's way past time to "talk" with them about it. Do you really think they would actually hear what you have to say? It sounds like it's time for intervention/action....talking is an alternative to "action" and doesn't acomplish a thing.
I'm not quite sure what to recommend. You could express concern, even call the health department, but ultimately it's their pathetic lives. And as long as the house looks OK on the outside what does society care? When they die or go to jail or otherwise default on the house somebody will flip it and nobody will remember the scum that once lived there... I've known a few people like that and there's no talking to or changing them. Just say your bit and say goodbye, because what you see is what you get. I've got a somewhat similar, albeit less severe situation going on right now with my best friend. He always lived on the edge, crappy jobs, lived with his mom, abusing drugs and alcohol, etc. Well a few years ago he willingly became unemployed and spent the next year on his ass playing Everquest. Once the unemployment ran out he decided to go back to school to get his associates degree in liberal arts, with no career plans at all. Flash forward to today he's homeless living in his brother's basement, still unemployed, living on financial aid and student loans that he has no hope of ever paying off. Because even if he does manage to graduate an associates degree in liberal arts isn't worth the paper it's printed on! Anyway, I've basically said goodbye to him. I'm 33 years old and at a place in my life where I need a friend who can actually afford to sit at the bar and have a beer with me, or go out to dinner, or catch a movie, etc. I don't think he's ever going to get out of this rut and I'm just moving on with my life.
This is what I did in '95, Your friend must do the same thing, It is time to grow up and move forward. He has got to take responsibility for his own ass and you can help. If your a friend you will make a move. Talk to him first and tell him your plan. IF you are succesful in point him forward odds are he will do what he can for his mom. IF he does clean up I'm sure he'll see your actions for what they are, a friend lending a helping hand up, if not you have lost nothing, the kid you grew up with is gone, yesterday is a memory, today is the game you must play. IF your pal cleans up and does what most of the rest of us do, there is the possibility his family won't sell the house if they pay rent/ make it profitable for the family to keep the house. Even if it were sold because he has "cleaned up" your pal will be able to get another place. The dogs? if these people can't care for themselves they shouldn't have dogs..........
People have to want to change before there's any chance of things turning out differently than they are right now.
I think everyone has covered this pretty well, and as wiskas said, these people are far beyond helping themselves. To me it sounds like a pretty serious mixture of drug addiction and mental problems, which the drugs have only made worse. I don't think they will change anything because you tell them to. And as people have already said, its not really snitching on them when you are doing it to SAVE them. Because these people might not make it on their own. If you are serious about helping them, do some research on community organizations who deal with mental health, addiction, job placement, housing, and all of that, because they will need ALL of that. If you don't help set up a support system, these people will just fall through the cracks. As for smoking a bowl with him, from an ideological point, it was not the best thing to do, but he is beyond the point where that has any real effect. What matters is that you are thinking about their wellbeing and want to help, and I respect you for that. Please keep us posted.
Here's the thing that keeps running through my mind - what sort of fucked up individual would invite a friend into that mess? Toilets running over with shit, an overwhelming stench throughout the house, dog shit all over the floor, vomit and hair in the sink... How detached from reality do you have to be for that to seem reasonable? Honestly, when you call the health department (and you should) they will probably have both the people living there committed for psychiatric evaluation.
I think that so far, awesome advice has been given. But my standpoint resides with MSP's. You can't help him if he doesn't want to. I think you gotta tell him all you've told us, plant the seed and see if it grows. If he realizes he needs help, then you can work WITH him towards his goals. You must not work FOR him, because you'll burn yourself on a desperate cause. Well, in any case, I hope this story will unfold in a positive manner.
Ditto, but the odds are against a favorable outcome. One or both will either die, go to jail, or end up homeless.
It sucks that your friend is in that deplorable living condition and living a ruined life. My main concern, however, is with the animals. Your friend has obviously made some shitty choices and settles on living in filth but the dogs don't get that choice. I'm sure if they could choose, they wouldn't be living in that dump and slowly starving to death. Your friend opts to live like that? So be it. But don't drag another living creature down with you. It paints a sad mental picture to see a dog reduced to skin and bones picking up random objects in hopes of finding food. I urge you to at least report the dogs to the humane society and whatever comes of that, comes.
I hadn't even thought about the dogs, good point. Torx, what's the address? I'll call if you don't want to. Seriously, I'm happy to do it. I'd also need the local numbers for the health department and humane society.
