Sayings that make you laugh.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Goofus Maximus, Aug 24, 2016.

  1. Goofus Maximus

    Goofus Maximus Too old to be this dumb!

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    I just ran across this one, and would have done a spit-take, if I had been drinking while reading it!

    “I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

    Got any good ones?
  2. bigwill51534

    bigwill51534 Saint, Church of Ryanism

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    Before you judge someone, you should always walk a mile in their shoes. That way you are a mile away, and you have their shoes!

    ~Will Courtier~
  3. JZL

    JZL Ministry of Whack

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    If scuba diving and a shark attacks-- cut your buddy and swim like hell!
  4. -=Lurker=-

    -=Lurker=- **BANNED**

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    If a bear is chasing after us down, I don't have to be faster than the bear, just faster than you.
  5. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    "busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest"
  6. JZL

    JZL Ministry of Whack

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    It's better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than being in the air wishing you were on the ground.
  7. JZL

    JZL Ministry of Whack

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    "Busier than a polecat in a perfume factory."
  8. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    and one for the ballot season.....
    "you just can't fix 'stupid' "
  9. Goofus Maximus

    Goofus Maximus Too old to be this dumb!

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    True dat. At 55, I are more stupider than ever.
  10. JZL

    JZL Ministry of Whack

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    Do jellyfish dream of peanutbutter fish?
  11. JZL

    JZL Ministry of Whack

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    You haven't had enough coffee unless you can thread a sewing machine while it's running.
  12. Commissar Smersh

    Commissar Smersh 2020 Staff Member

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    "Oh I thought because this weekend being a holiday meant rent wasn't due until Monday."
    "I don't understand why you won't take another check after my last check bounced."
    "I feel like because one of our fifteen amenities is broken that you should give me a 10% rent discount until it is fixed."

    ugh my job
  13. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    Pertinent to my situation: "Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest".
  14. nidex

    nidex Hood Rich

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    You work for a management company/apartment complex?

    You voluntarily took a position that is hated by pretty much every renter?

    Ballsy.
  15. Goofus Maximus

    Goofus Maximus Too old to be this dumb!

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    Wait, there's some other way to thread a sewing machine?
  16. JZL

    JZL Ministry of Whack

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    :nailbiting:

    I agree with the general idea if not the math.
  17. Commissar Smersh

    Commissar Smersh 2020 Staff Member

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    Yup. :(
  18. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    Job security for sure. My business is 95% rentals fix-ups/turnovers now. The other 5% is turning rentals into property to go on the market because it costs owners too much to rent
    houses out. The only renters that hate my clients are the ones tearing the rentals up. No hate ........They (bad tenants) are my bread and butter.
  19. JZL

    JZL Ministry of Whack

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    Anyone hear about the dyslexic insomniac philosophy major who lay awake nights pondering the existence of dog?
  20. hans5849

    hans5849 Serious as a heart attack

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    Honestly I agree with this one, if the first falls on a weekend do you expect the rent to be paid on a non-business day?
  21. Commissar Smersh

    Commissar Smersh 2020 Staff Member

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    Through the online portal with an automated draft like the rest of the millennials who live there? :fearscream:

    Edit: also there's a 3 day grace period AND we courtesy call before posting late fees

    This. Don't be a terrible neighbor, don't destroy the place and pay your rent on time. It's not difficult.
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2017
  22. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    Yes, all PM's I know of, do online payments now.
  23. hans5849

    hans5849 Serious as a heart attack

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    That's just laziness then.
    I had my rental company try to charge me a late fee because my check arrived late from the bank. Literally, I had submitted it on the 27th but it was labor day weekend so the check didn't arrive on time. Sorry man, 3 day weekend and the post office didn't deliver.
  24. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    Rental history is getting as important that credit history in areas where the rental vacancy rate is below 4%.
    Most PM's don't charge a late fee until 4 days lapse. Unlike banks and most creditors.

    Back on topic......reminds me of "the check's in the mail"
  25. JZL

    JZL Ministry of Whack

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    "The online payment is in the series of TUBES."