I think I need help.

Discussion in 'OT Graveyard' started by Phant0m51, Oct 15, 2007.

  1. Phant0m51

    Phant0m51 From Utah, NOT mormon

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    I've started cutting my arm again, to deal with the shit I'm going through. I've had some suicidal thoughts recently, but I don't think I could actually go through with it because I care more about how it would affect other people than anything.

    I need help, and I don't know where to look. I've taken a week and a half off of work, and my boss told me my job would be there when I'm ready to go back.

    I can't get up the courage to go to a doctor, in fear that they'll put me in a psych ward or something like that.

    The only person that knows I'm cutting myself is my boss, and now you guys. I haven't told friends or family. I'm falling apart inside, but keeping up appearances on the outside to keep people from knowing.

    The reason I'm saying this now is because I can't take it anymore and I need help. If anybody can tell me where I should go, then please tell me.
  2. MSP

    MSP Haunting a dead forum...

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    Lord Kain, where in the hell are you? :)

    Don't fear going to the doctor. They don't commit people or throw them into hospitals like they used to. That shit went out a long time ago. He / she will be able to prescribe something that should give you relief immediately. My wife suffers with depression, couldn't sleep, etc. She's on some meds now and feels pretty damn good. It takes a lot of courage to take that first step, but once you do you will be glad you did.
  3. djsoulriot

    djsoulriot Junior Member

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    I've gotten pretty low (Emotionally), but never to the point of self-injury, I dont think I have that in me.

    But if I got to the point of wanting help, I'd probably do all I could to stay away from medication. I know it's an easy solution, but I'd probably seek psychiatric help via a therapist or some other form of talking to someone with more insight on these situations.

    But what exactly is getting you down? Work, relationships, or just life in general?
  4. Phant0m51

    Phant0m51 From Utah, NOT mormon

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    My wife is divorcing me, my parents are going through a divorce, my dad's become a complete alcoholic getting drunk 7 days a week.

    My wife came over yesterday and just bawled her eyes out about how she's lost all her security since leaving me. I don't know what she wants me to do about it, because she's leaving me, but I can't help but feel like there's nothing I can do.
  5. djsoulriot

    djsoulriot Junior Member

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    Hm. Well I'd be lying to you if I said that Divorce was an uncommon thing, but I'm terribly sorry that you have to go through all of these things simultaneously. I've never been married, and I haven't experienced what you're going through, so it's hard for me to begin to give you advice.

    But I can say that if I were in your shoes I would find a professional/ counselor/ therapist that I could talk to. I hate when I try to talk to a friend or family member about the problem, because I typically get the Hallmark wishy-washy sugar coated opinion/solutions they have to offer. That's why I understand you would talk to your boss and us about your problem. But I think you're best bet is bringing this to someone who has a better understanding of the emotional turmoil you're experiencing.

    I hope you get through all of this with your head on straight, because you'll come out as a stronger and much better person in the end.
  6. namelessentity

    namelessentity Resident Cynic

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    Well, I think you should try to surround yourself with friends and try to take your mind off of all this crazy shit that's hitting you all at once. I know it sounds stupid, but one of the things that got me through depression in high school was really realizing that no matter what, things will get better. Think of what's going on like a visit to the dentist. The dudes drilling the shit out of your tooth and it hurts like you wouldn't beleive, but eventually it ends and in a few days you practically don't remember it. Obviously a divorce will take a long time to get over, but the same still applies, eventually you're going to look back on it and it's going to seem like a speed bumb instead of a mountain. You just need to focus on the fact that this will be over at some point, and you just need to stick it out.

    Tweak loves you, and so do your friends and family. Don't ever be afraid to get help man, I wish you all the best.
  7. Lord Kain

    Lord Kain Keeper of the Timeline Staff Member

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    damn man, this shit is hard!

    About your behavior (cutting) and the ward, don't be afraid man.

    But if you want a ear and not a physician, I suggest you go see a psychologist (not a psychiatrist). It will surely help to vent the extra steam. As for the physician, if the psy judges that you need further help, he'll refer.

    Though don't play with these suicidal thoughts. Tell a doctor if you really think about it. Depression does that. Don't let it win over you.

    Besides, cutting isn't beginner material. Seek help man, you sure does look like a guy that needs it.
  8. smirnoff

    smirnoff Curmudgeon

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    No shame in seeking help. Rather, take heart. Just posting this thread shows you've got the courage to deal with this. Don't hesitate to ask for help from family, and friends. They care, and so do we.
  9. Chainblade

    Chainblade Junior Member

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    it's tough. My girlfriend and I are feel the same (although I don't cut, she does though sometimes). I am the same way as I don't want to go to a doctor. They don't honestly seem to care and just want to load you up on drugs. This may or may not be a good thing depending on who you are. I always thought that they never helped me but people around me said they did. I just don't have the time or the money to go see a doctor to get pills. I've talked about my problems but it doesn't help. I know exactly what my problems are and why they affect me but I can't help feeling the way I do. I've been battling my depression for 10 years now and it's gotten really bad recently because bad thing after bad thing after bad thing happens to me (including an awful divorce).

    My girlfriend, on the other hand, needs drugs as she has some severe depression. She is put on lithium and stuff like that. She can be very difficult to deal with with her mood swings for no reason. Unfortunately, she hasn't had health insurance for months so can't go get the drugs. She gets health insurance in December though thank God.

    My advice would to just go see a doctor. Maybe a therapist will help you. maybe not. Maybe you need to be on some drugs. It's better to just take that first step to find out what will help you. Remember, it may not be an instant change the first thing you try but you will eventually find a solution that works for you.
  10. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    Just outlive it buddy. There are other's that have and are surviving what you're going through. you're not going to get locked down unless you're a danger to yourself or others. Get the doctor to steer you in the right direction. And always remember that fro every door that closes, another will
    open sooner or later.
  11. Jishory

    Jishory Junior Member

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    this is pope john:

    go to a psychologist dude. i go to several for various issues i'm dealing with. they help a lot. even just a few sessions made me feel brand new.

    you'll get through this.

    in the meantime, you should stop cutting yourself. it can be dangerous, and backslide recovery. i don't understand the individual reasons a person cuts, but generally it's to express or relieve emotional pain through physical pain. there are other ways of doing that.

    i used to seclude myself and listen to depressing music to get my tears flowing. but even that is counter-productive.

    you can't let your pain rule [your life]. and don't let apathy replace it. you just need to do some self-searching and realize the great things in your life. your intelligence, your insight, your job. there are plenty of good reasons why you shouldn't let this bring you down so much.

    endnote: seek professional help. they work wonders maan.
  12. Phant0m51

    Phant0m51 From Utah, NOT mormon

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    Thank you all for your replies. I'll definitely be going to see a doctor tomorrow. Just reading your replies has helped me alot in coping with this and it's helped me build up a little bit of nerve to talk to a doctor.

    I'll keep you all posted.

    Again, thanks.
    Jonathan
  13. Coleman

    Coleman fresh off the corner

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    You are much stronger than you think.
  14. j0k3r

    j0k3r El Chupacabra

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    You need professional help and an anti-depressant quickly. Don't put it off.
  15. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    Just letting the facts out into the light of day, takes away alot of the power fear has.
  16. SoulAssassin

    SoulAssassin Car Ramrod

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    Definitely...good luck with the doctor. It'll get better, trust me.
  17. Pope John

    Pope John the most modest.

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    oh i forgot to mention this. i don't entirely support medicating these problems. it's just an opinion, but i feel like they don't resolve the conflict, just make you tolerate it. when you stop using the meds, is the problem still insignificant?

    i dunno, but i feel it's best to resolve conflicts in your mind, sober. to draw all connections in a perfectly clear mental state. so when you look back, you can realize exactly why it's not something to get you down, versus just remembering it and not caring because it happened so long ago.
  18. Phant0m51

    Phant0m51 From Utah, NOT mormon

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    Well I pussed out and didn't go to the doctor. Last night was a very bad night for my family.

    Cliff notes at the end:

    Yesterday afternoon my brother gets a call from my dad. He is FREAKING out, screaming, calling my brother a mother fucker, telling him he's going to kick him and his new wife out of the house (they're saving up to buy their own home), telling my brother he's worthless, that he doesn't do anything around the house (when he does more than my dad, sadly), and just plainly being a prick to my brother.

    My brother calls his best friend to tell him about it, and ask him what he should do, and his friend then tells my brother that my dad's new Girlfriend has told my dad that she feels my brother's wife is a bitch, and that the next time she sees her she's going to confront her, and probably beat the shit out of her. My brother starts bawling (and I've never seen him cry before) and doesn't stop for an hour. He doesn't know what he's done to cause my dad to freak out about anything, he doesn't know what he's going to do about finding a new place without spending their hard earned savings.

    I tried to get my brother to come over here so I could talk with him, or let me go over there to talk to him, and he wouldn't let me. The only thing I got out of him was a text message saying "What did I do to lose my dad? I mean I have him right here, but he's not here! It's killing me!"

    My brother tried to work it out with my dad last night, but my dad refused to talk to him or his wife until he 'calmed the fuck down'. Then my dad said he wanted to talk to him about it tomorrow (today), and my brother couldn't because he has school after work 4 days a week. My dad tells him, "Fine, we'll talk whenever it's fucking convenient for you!" and gets even more pissed off.

    Now my brother isn't talking to anybody in the family, and I'm sitting here helpless because I have no idea what set my dad off, or how to even fix the situation. My dad won't even talk to me!

    /////Cliff notes///////
    My dad freaked out on my brother, neither will talk to each other or other members of the family, and somehow I feel like it's my fault.
  19. Pope John

    Pope John the most modest.

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    your dad is probably suffering a lot from the divorce. i'm sure it's a lot on him even if it is almost entirely his decision.

    i'm really sorry man. but none of this is your fault, that's for sure.

    maybe your brother should get a hotel for a couple nights while he can work things out with your dad?
  20. MSP

    MSP Haunting a dead forum...

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    You really need to go get some help. This isn't going to get better by itself. Just take it one step at a time - make the appointment.
  21. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    Just do it, don't think it.
  22. Lord Kain

    Lord Kain Keeper of the Timeline Staff Member

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    Yes.. because with your thought paterns, you'll always find a good escape not to go.

    Your brother's story is sad, but frankly, it doesn't really concern you. Or at least, it doesn't prevent you from attending a 30 minutes meeting and come back later.

    You're probably feeeling all this because of your situation. Detaching from all this fuss will be one of the 1st steps to recovery, I'm pretty sure of it.

    Good luck man
  23. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    Yup....if you be like me, your brain thinks it can kill you and keep on living. Don't trust it!