Colon Clensing, Liver, Kidney, Body detox experts GTFIH (no enimas)(no homoerectus)

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Torx, Apr 15, 2012.

  1. Torx

    Torx Indigenous Nudist

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    so i wanna start doing this, not regularly but once in a while. my diet is shit due to my need for protein, calories, and meats... hence coke can sized turds splashing water in my face
    NO i dont wanna be a fucking vegan, no i dont wanna spend $500 a week on "healthy natural whole foods". fuck all that.


    so tell me, what tweakers here have done this, swear by it, and can give stories+advice on their methods.. or tried and true methods.
    so far ive read about supplement pills, and salt water clensing.

    brb h20 overdose in the med from ingesting 2 liters of salt water
  2. Goofus Maximus

    Goofus Maximus Too old to be this dumb!

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    To properly scrub out the colon, one must start with the proper set of brushes.

    brushes1.jpg

    On a serious note, if this is actually serious ;) The only thing that really cleanses a colon is fiber. All that other stuff is just gas being blown out of some money-stealing bookwriter's ass.

    You don't have to be ####ing vegan (in fact protien will actually HELP you lose weight), but every bite of meat should at least be matched with an equivalent bite of green leafy crap and vegetable crap like carrots, squash or beans. White meat (no, not the OTHER white meat, which is actually red meat) should replace red meat as much as possible. In addition, avoid fried crap. Go with roasted, baked, broiled, or boiled crap instead. Your body can and will detox itself just fine. Our problem is just that we load in too many things for it to handle, so things get backed up.

    In the last three months, since my cholesterol was high, I just changed my diet, and without even exercising, I still lost 20 pounds without even knowing it (all my pants now fit like tents, as a downside) and brought my cholesterol under control. Without "dieting" or "going ####ing vegan. All it took was giving up my daily donut and spoonful of peanut-butter in my oatmeal, and switching from fried chicken fingers and burgers. to turkey subs, grilled chicken, fish, and veggies, and only the occasional tamales and chili. The shop-n-save steamy veggies that you microwave right in the bag for 5 minutes, and goes well with instant yakisoba noodles (two bags of veggies for one box of yakisoba and one drained rinsed can of canned chicken white-meat in water, all mixed together for my vegetable-noodle-chicken surprise) or mixed with chili and served with tamales (DeliMex frozen tamales, wrapped in corn husks is my favorite)

    Also, develop a taste for dark chocolate! My cholesterol lowering happened in spite of my mad overconsumption of dark chocolate on a daily basis, so I can kind of attest to this one. Spicing up your life is also something I do, just because I like cinnamon and nutmeg in my hot chocolate.

    Edit: Everything I mistakenly like to think I know about nutrition, I learned from NPR! :D
  3. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    yeah, what he said.
  4. MSP

    MSP Haunting a dead forum...

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    Seriously Torx, I don't know what sort of health and medicine sites you're visiting but that colon cleansing/body flush shit (pun) has been know to be a detriment to health for quite some time.
  5. Commissar Smersh

    Commissar Smersh 2020 Staff Member

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    lol tent pants
  6. Goofus Maximus

    Goofus Maximus Too old to be this dumb!

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    They literally feel like clown pants now. Even my man-boobs are gone! ;)
    hooped_clown_pants_set_194lar.jpg
  7. Commissar Smersh

    Commissar Smersh 2020 Staff Member

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    Goofus: proving you don't need a pill to pitch a tent.
  8. Torx

    Torx Indigenous Nudist

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    need more input.
  9. JZL

    JZL Ministry of Whack

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    Eat more mustard greens, turnip greens, spinach, brocolli, etc.

    Either that, or sit on a Waterpic.
  10. MSP

    MSP Haunting a dead forum...

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    That said, given your recent shit/chin splash I'd say the Demi John brush above is probably the best fit for you.
  11. Lord Kain

    Lord Kain Keeper of the Timeline Staff Member

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    Well, I'll give you my input about these cleansing, based on my medical classes and also my research afterwards. Then you decide what you think of it!

    Mose of the cleansing products are based on assumptions and can be categorized as scams. To be clean, your body need a clean routine and to eat "clean" foods.

    Many of the bio/whole foods diets are quite scammy too.

    If you eat proper foods and getting the vitamins/minerals you need, your body will recover it's homeostatic equilibrium by itsell. No need to stress it with stenuous and potentially dangerous cleaning exercice.

    So, if you eat a lot of proteins, ask yourself if you really need to do that. If so, okay. Can you then choose better foods? (Avoid too much saturated fat; avoit prepared meats with nitrites, etc). A grilled chicken breast, regular style (not bio) is still better than fried chicken, for example.

    Then, if you lack certain nutrients, there's safe methods/supplements, that doesn't involve cleansing, eating bio, being a vegan, or use pharmacotherapy.

    As an exemple, phythotherapy teach us how to use plants, herbal supplements to improve our diet. Eons of trial and error can be better than "charlatanesque" techniques to get quick results (remember, results invoking the dark side are quick, but aren't long lasting and can destroy you in the long run :).

    So... you need more fiber? Some vitamins? Minerals? You can study your diet to check what is lacking and try to compensate.

    What do you think about that? Are you already doing it? If so, why do you need these cleansing stuff? Someone you know tried it and it worked?
  12. MSP

    MSP Haunting a dead forum...

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    Torx is really the ultimate bi-product of the forum - he's taken tweaking to the ultimate level, trying to overclock his body! :badidea:
  13. mullet1

    mullet1 Junior Member

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    lots of apple based products seem to work well for me should i need to purge whatever the hell is in my stomach. apple juice and applesauce specifically. stuff does it's job within about 3 hours. actually, add cottage cheese to that list as well.
  14. ivanolo

    ivanolo Guest

    AFAIK, frequently "cleansing" your body can alter its natural chemistry and... cause problems. In the case of your colon, you'll destroy the natural bacteria in your gut that aids with digestion and proper "waste management." Heck, if you read the warning label on any laxative medication, it recommends not using it for extended periods of time for this very reason (your body will stop excreting on its own unless you take the laxative). Same thing with neti pots. If you use them constantly, you wash away the natural flora that lines the mucous membrane of your nose, which can lead to nasty infections.

    The best way to keep your body clean is to reduce consumption of processed foods to a minimun and increase your intake of fruits, veggies, and fiber-rich foods. Have a bowl of oatmeal sweetened with natural maple syrup or dark brown sugar for breakfast. It's tasty, you'll take a huge, satisfying dump shortly thereafter, and your big, black, beautiful GF won't have any qualms about giving you that rim-job you've been desiring for so long.

    Anus.
  15. Goofus Maximus

    Goofus Maximus Too old to be this dumb!

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    on the subject of neti-pots...

    My oatmeal gets bananas or raisins. Or when it's apple-picking season, my oatmeal gets chunked apples from the back yard (till now. Something has killed both apple trees last year, and killed the walnut tree between them this year.)
  16. MSP

    MSP Haunting a dead forum...

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    I stopped using mine, had virtually non-stop sinus and ear infections last year. Worst sinus infection of my life...
  17. Goofus Maximus

    Goofus Maximus Too old to be this dumb!

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    Did you stop using yours BECAUSE you had them when you used it, or did you stop using yours AND had them as a result? Your statement is ambiguously constructed...
  18. MSP

    MSP Haunting a dead forum...

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    I stopped using it because it caused sinus infections, my bad.
  19. mistawiskas

    mistawiskas kik n a and takin names

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    Torx.....look up 'medeteranian diet'.
  20. Torx

    Torx Indigenous Nudist

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    as long as you do a flush with an immediate probiotic intake, then there shouldnt be any problems.

    yogurts, probiotic shakes, pills, etc etc.
  21. MSP

    MSP Haunting a dead forum...

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    You're a crazy fuck Torx, that's why we love you...
  22. mullet1

    mullet1 Junior Member

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    wait..... put yogurt in your nose?

    i don't suppose another step in all of this is a webcam?
  23. Lord Kain

    Lord Kain Keeper of the Timeline Staff Member

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    Hehe. Torx did not want input, he wanted to be told that we agree and goferit :)

    So well, a strict regimen composed of protein powder shakes, bottled vitamins, roids and frequent colon purges is the way to go to be healthy and gain the intellect of your hood friends. DO EET.
  24. Goofus Maximus

    Goofus Maximus Too old to be this dumb!

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  25. mullet1

    mullet1 Junior Member

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    fecal transplant?

    can't just 2 girls/1 cup your way to health?