I've been moistening her mouth with water every half hour for the past two days. She had become largely unresponsive, and didn't eat or drink. At 9:30, when I went up to give her some water, she had stopped breathing. I called the Hospice, and gave others who knew Mom the news of her passing. Now they're gone, and I'm alone in a huge house, with a backlog of bills and business paperwork from the distributorship we were partners in. I'm in a strangely calm... more a numb, state, right now. A roaring fire that has always warmed me and lighted my way, has suddenly gone out.
OMG Goofus. So... so sorry for your loss. I dread the day that I need to go through what you are enduring. My thoughts are with you brother.
Sigh. Right now I'm so busy with so many things, I'm too overwhelmed to feel anything but ... overwhelmed. Also, I HATE the Social Security automated phone system. I also hate their website which refuses to acknowledge my very existance. I can at least get somewhere with the credit card systems. I had to make an emergency payment to Spectrum, so I could stay on the internet, even though I had already paid by check, which is who-knows-where. That said, I'm in kind of an empty state, right at the moment. Not feeling grief, feeling guilty for not feeling grief. Only occasional twinges when I start doing something, and realize that I don't have to do that anymore ever again...
This is completely natural. Probably at some point something seemingly inconsequential will trigger an emotional avalanche. Let it happen. This comment reminded me of an occasion about a year or so after my mom had died, where I first thought, "I should call Mom and ask her about [whatever]," and then almost as quickly thinking, "Oh shit, I can't."
Since it will be cloudy tomorrow, I put out flowers for Mom and Dad at Rose Lawn Memorial Gardens today, and gave Mom my last Mother's Day card. Trying to get things sorted out, when all the sorter-outers are out for the Covid Count, is a royal pain in the posterior. I can't get corrected Death Certificates because the Madison County clerks are considered non-essential. The Medallion Stamp Guarantee can only be done by the Bank Branch Managers... who are all working from home for the next two weeks or more. I haven't even started on changing the Partnership into a DBA, with a resulting change in FEID. And the bookwork... ... I've been going on a lot of long bicycle rides lately. 38 miles is my new personal best, and I have the tiger-stripe sunburn on the top of my bald head to prove it. I don't have any pictures to prove it, since there is evidently an issue between gcam and android version 10, which I didn't know about beforehand. I managed to get that sorted out, so now I can take googley-good pictures with my phone again. I used it to throw together a Mothers Day Remembrance for my Sister, niece, and nephew.
Sorry, Goofus. I hope you have found peace with it. My parents are getting old as well, makes me wonder what's in store for the future. Of course, being America, dying is expensive.
Both Mom and I are totally prepaid, though I couldn't find the paperwork till after we made other arrangements, but the money from the arrangement mostly covered the Covid-cropped funeral at the site. I've made sure to put my own "In case of death, call..." card in my wallet, as well as filling out the emergency contact/medical info settings in my android 10 phone. I'm still in the process of dealing with things, thanks to all the shut-down related delays. I've got the Partnership turned into a sole proprietorship, have most of the Credit Cards cancelled (will do more when I can get more and corrected death certificates), and have the annuities from Mom's Life Insurance plan cancelled. It's only recently that the stressfulness has let up enough that I'm starting to feel the loss, when I hear a noise, and get up to go check on Mom, then realize "oh yeah. I'm all alone here." As for the grief, I think it was actually harder while she was still alive, and having to live with the pain and indignity. She was beyond ready to go for quite some time, and it's just my own selfishness that wishes she could have stayed with us and gotten a bit better for a bit longer..
Whatever evil, anal-retentive, administrative dork or bitch who came up with the idea for the Medallion Stamp Guarantee should be hunted down and flayed.
